Who watched the Academy Awards last night? I did, and I managed to squeeze the red carpet pre-show and the ceremony into a zippy hour-and-a-half by fast-forwarding through all commercials, speeches, and those filler awards no one really cares about.
I don’t really care who wins or loses, but I do care what the stars are wearing! Here are my picks for best and worst dressed:
1. Jessica Chastain: I love redheaded women. This dress reminds me of the sort of rich brocade royalty might wear back in “the day,” but the bare shoulders give it a modern twist.
2. Kristen Wiig: This dress is on a lot of worst-dressed lists, and I can’t understand why. It’s gorg! The top has great details, and the whole dress is so soft and feminine.
3. Michelle Williams: I wish Michelle Williams would try a different hairstyle, but this dress looks amazing on her. Orange is the colour of the season!
4. Rooney Mara: Brunette with bangs and red lips… need I say more?
5. Stacy Keibler: I find this woman annoying on a few levels, but even I can’t deny how fabulash she looks. I’m not usually crazy about big flowers or other objects that pouf out of a dress, but it works for her. She could be a spokes model for Hollywood.
6. Emma Stone: Again with the redheads. I love the clash of the red dress with Emma’s red hair. If I were her stylist I might suggest a dress for a younger woman, but it’s still lovely. Plus she’s hilarious.
7. Glenn Close: Timeless elegance. Also, I love a good suit jacket on a woman.
1. Jennifer Lopez: Too Jenny-from-the-Block. At an awards show like this you want to be sexy AND classy. If the shoulders didn’t have cutouts I’d like this dress a lot more.
2. Meryl Streep: This looks like I bought gold fabric from Mood and did a bad draping job. Auf Wiedersehen!
3. Missi Pyle: The dress itself isn’t that bad, but this colour is the worst! Too Easter-eggy.
4. Natalie Portman: I love Natalie Portman and I love polka dots, but not together at a fancy awards show. Plus is there a ruffle at the bottom? Oh no…
5. Rose Byrne: This is just weird. Rose Byrne is insanely beautiful, but black sequins? With those thick black shoes?
6. Sandra Bullock: In theory I like this dress, but it gives the impression that Sandra has no waist.
7. Shailene Woodley: This girl is 20 years old, and yet she is dressed like a Grandma from the 70s. Show some skin! (But not too much a la J-Lo.) I actually think this dress could be really pretty, but the fabric looks so heavy and curtain-y.
8. Berenice Bejo: Everything is unflattering about this dress: the cut, the colour, the shape… yeech!
AND JUST BECAUSE…
Kate Mara, Rooney Mara’s sister, you terrify me and always will thanks to American Horror Story.
Angelina Jolie, what’s with the leg? A little subtlety goes a long way.